Sunday, November 16, 2008
He Gets It.
photo by William J. Meyer Photography
On Friday, I laid down for a bit after getting the smallest 2 kids down for naps and the bigger 2 settled for their 'alone time'. I pulled the covers over my head, and began to pray, asking Jesus to show me again how to live. The passage from Ephesians popped into my head...the one on the fruit of the Spirit. I began to recite them over in my head:
as I went down the list, I did a mental check off.
joyful? not really
peaceful? um. riiiiight.
patient? not usually.
kind? sometimes...but not as the norm
good? 'sinful' more accurately describes me, i think.
faithful? i need to think more about this one...
gentle? a little bit. every once in awhile.
self-controlled? yeah... something to strive for.
It all seems so impossible in the midst of raising 4 little humans. and, i think for me, it IS impossible in my own strength.
Case in point? As I was doing this mental checkoff, I was interrupted about a zillion plus 2 times...
'so-n-so is doing THIS'
'I need THAT'
'so-n-so wet herself. again.'
"OH LORD", I thought. "Just a couple minutes? I'm SO angry. I just want to be left alone with YOU. Can't everyone just leave me the heck alone so i can be with Jesus and learn how to be nicer, darnit! Lord, show me how NOT to be angry. Show me HOW on EARTH to serve you, and love you and show love and mercy and grace to my kids. Show me how to live in peace. Not with an angry heart, but one full of love."
(I cleaned up my thoughts for you to read...they weren't that sweet) ;)
I got up, cleaned up the wet one, and sent her back to bed... and went for my Bible. Laying next to it was a Bible study that I'd started 4 years before and only gotten to week 3. I thought, why not? and picked it up and took it back to bed with me. I opened it to where I'd left off. And the lesson? You guessed it...it was on ANGER. I began to cry...literally tears ran down my face. I don't know why I continue to be surprised when God meets me right where I am, but I am. He surprises me. He IS our ever present help, and He met me through a dusty book, that I'd neglected, until the time was right for me to learn from it. How cool is God?
I took some time yesterday to write out each of the verses on anger that God used to speak to me, and to post them around my house, at eye level. (I want to take pics, but my batteries for my camera are dead again...)
Then, last night, I checked out THIS. They had a different service last night, where there were 6 different stations around the room. Some with slideshows, candles to light, communion, write a letter to God, etc. Each were for the purpose of reflecting on the beattitudes... Again, God met me there. He continues to let me know that He understands where I am, and He is here with me, walking through it.
I'm so thankful that...He gets it.